woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
