i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
