T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
