There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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