Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
