He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
