i would punch a child for taco bell
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
