i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
