I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
