I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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