I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
