Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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