Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
