Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
