I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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