she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's always time for handjobs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
