dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
