I will die if light touches me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
two words: eviction party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
