His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
