omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm at about main and main street
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
