first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
tequila makes me forget i have legs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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