I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
