My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
