if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
