i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
