He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
