Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

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(345): View more from Cayman Islands

Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.

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(772): View more from Florida

I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away

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(847): View more from Illinois

being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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(310): View more from California

Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere

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(406): View more from Montana

My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.

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(714): View more from California

I've never sung with balls in my mouth

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