This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
