Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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