She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
