maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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