I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I stole a fireplace last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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