I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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