You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
