so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
