why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
