You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
