You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
