i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
