i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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