Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
