you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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