Dual....:-)
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
