I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
