I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
