dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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