there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
