i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
