So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
