No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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