I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
