rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
