I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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