i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
