just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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