I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
