Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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