apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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