How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Jerry, you need to find god
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
