i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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