i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this just has baby written all over it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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