i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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