How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
