yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
