she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
