Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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