I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
