Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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