Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
