Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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